Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Zombie Jesus Day Everybody!

...Eastre (Ishtar, Astarte),'s still the pagan Goddess of Spring after whom your holiday was named.

With my penchant for anything zombie related- today seems like an interesting religious tie-in for discussion!

Today the Christian’s celebrate the death and subsequent undeath (so-called resurrection) of Jesus. From our modern vantage point we now know that there are only a handful of ways that the dead can walk the Earth. There are vampires, zombies, and of course folks like Keith Richards, Michael Douglas, and Leonard Cohen. Since Jesus was seen walking in broad daylight we can assume that he was not a vampire or a music industry celebrity, so he must have been a zombie.

The case for Great Zombie Jesus is strengthened when we look at the rituals of his followers, the Great Zombie Army. Great Zombie Jesus had his followers eat of his flesh and drink of his blood. This is how the zombie pathogens are transferred from generation to generation in an attempt to maintain the Great Zombie Army. Through the miracle of transubstantiation, consubstantiation, and even the sacramental union (all popular definitions of the Eucharist Infestation) people are eating the flesh of the Great Zombie Jesus and drinking his blood in an effort to be more Christ like, ergo, zombies.

Many a Sunday I spent in the presence of the Great Zombie Army as they feasted on the flesh and blood of Great Zombie Jesus while chanting and groaning in off pitch monotones. How I managed to escape infection I may never know. Perhaps I had a natural immunity to the pathogens. The liturgy was quite clear. Great Zombie Jesus will come again. He will judge the living and the dead. His kingdom will have no end because it is made up of zombies that can’t die, eternal life.

So this Easter remember, aim for the head and torch the bodies. If they have no teeth and their greyish undead mobile carcasses have all of the body and blood of Great Zombie Jesus burned from them, they can’t infect you.

Must read--> challenge your christian friends with this Easter quiz---very interesting indeed, take a look-->



Slayer said...

Well, i think you cross the line a bit today with this "Great Zombie Jesus" You disapointed me a bit, but i hope that this is one of the "particular ways" that americans see the religion. Here, in Spain, the people are much more serious about it, and some people may considerer your idea like offensive.
In fact, Jesus wasn´t a zombi. He was only three days in his grave, so there wasn´t time to be corrupted.
Well, once again, i apologize for my english. I wanted to say to many things and i can´t control the language enough to say them well

mobias said...

no apology necessary Slayer! I value everyone's viewpoint, and freedom of disagreeing with me or anyone here is perfectly ok with me. These words weren't exactly my own, as you see I sight a 3rd party source, but, I do tend to lean a bit more on the non-religious side of things, favoring logic and evidence and not simply relying on what was engraved in my head as a small boy, which was thankfully non-religious, thus the way I am I suppose. I think the author here's basic point's are this- that instead of thinking logically, we choose to believe over 5 different Disciples/prophets versions, which vary widely with details, facts, times, locations and hearsay. It is a simple observation of how immensely ludicrous it is to base an entire worldwide point of view and belief system on these very scatological 'stories'... I am of course speaking of the 'Easter challenge' that is on the link at the bottom of the post...

I don't know if there really is any 'particular' way American's see religion, there are MANY many different types of people and religions here, some humongous & wealthy; some small, cult-like and still others outrageously silly.

I respect peoples freedom of religion, I just also respect freedom of speech and the belief and right to challenge the validity of those religions. I hope I didn't offend you, keep reading, I promise all the posts wont 'stir the pot' like this one! ;)

Slayer said...

Thanks, i´m not offended, and i´ve just undestand what you wanted to mean. I don´t know how americans celebrate the Easter, but i´m agree with you that some aspects of the relgions in world are a bit silly. Here in Spain the people celebrate the Easter really seriously. There are processions, sacred images and plenty of simple people who can´t belive in something without a childish resourse to ilustrate it.
I believe in God, and in Christ, but i also respect the non- religious point of view and, of course, i think that believe in God over the reason and the common sense is completly fanatic.
Don´t need to excuse yourself, it´s so nice talk with a person with a different point of view.

P.D.: This is amazing! I could write more than a few lines in english in the comment! i think that i´m getting better :D

Mike said...

How did I miss this Mobias? Great post. And good respectful comments by you and Slayer. Keep on keepin on. Take care!