Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Zombie Jesus Day Everybody!

...Eastre (Ishtar, Astarte),'s still the pagan Goddess of Spring after whom your holiday was named.

With my penchant for anything zombie related- today seems like an interesting religious tie-in for discussion!

Today the Christian’s celebrate the death and subsequent undeath (so-called resurrection) of Jesus. From our modern vantage point we now know that there are only a handful of ways that the dead can walk the Earth. There are vampires, zombies, and of course folks like Keith Richards, Michael Douglas, and Leonard Cohen. Since Jesus was seen walking in broad daylight we can assume that he was not a vampire or a music industry celebrity, so he must have been a zombie.

The case for Great Zombie Jesus is strengthened when we look at the rituals of his followers, the Great Zombie Army. Great Zombie Jesus had his followers eat of his flesh and drink of his blood. This is how the zombie pathogens are transferred from generation to generation in an attempt to maintain the Great Zombie Army. Through the miracle of transubstantiation, consubstantiation, and even the sacramental union (all popular definitions of the Eucharist Infestation) people are eating the flesh of the Great Zombie Jesus and drinking his blood in an effort to be more Christ like, ergo, zombies.

Many a Sunday I spent in the presence of the Great Zombie Army as they feasted on the flesh and blood of Great Zombie Jesus while chanting and groaning in off pitch monotones. How I managed to escape infection I may never know. Perhaps I had a natural immunity to the pathogens. The liturgy was quite clear. Great Zombie Jesus will come again. He will judge the living and the dead. His kingdom will have no end because it is made up of zombies that can’t die, eternal life.

So this Easter remember, aim for the head and torch the bodies. If they have no teeth and their greyish undead mobile carcasses have all of the body and blood of Great Zombie Jesus burned from them, they can’t infect you.

Must read--> challenge your christian friends with this Easter quiz---very interesting indeed, take a look-->